It's been quite some time, I have not jolted down what I have been feeling. Quite frankly, I can't even tell. My mind and heart is at a constant war and I feel more restless than ever. Sometimes, I feel my head would explode into nothing, and I feel angry, most of the time. Don't really know the reason why.
I want to ask, is it only me or is there anyone else, who feels like you are standing in a room full of people, screaming at the top of your lungs, and yet no one hears you.
One of the reason, why I avoid going to crowded places. I have avoided going to gatherings, parties, weddings, as if I am suffocated whenever I am in such places. Hell, I even stopped visiting temple because of the people. Weird, I know.
Sometimes, I just feel like getting off from this world. Suicidal thoughts? I don't know. Makes it easier. There is a calmness in death. No physical pain, no worries, It's like sinking into the deepest of ocean, drowning into an opium dream. But, this, voice inside, urges to fight on. It's frustrating. I am frustrated.
This so called Voice inside us, is it truth to listen and keep fighting on or is a apparition of mind, so called the last desperate attempt to continue living this pathetic life.
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