Stumped by the title? Hold your boots, because I’m ‘bout to tell ya’ yet another tale of my life starting
from high school days. The year was most probably 2003 when I moved to new city and new school, hoping that things will be different, but FML, little did I knew that I was heading into trouble. Fifth grade and straight through eight, I saw all kind of hell that life had to serve, failed crush, bullying, abuses, dropping grades and percentage and what not? But life took a right track on ninth grade when I was doing well at the academics. However, towards tenth, I screwed my life once again, first reason bad company and second, watching too much pornography and bunking tuitions for a bet on video game at a parlor. Results, failed pre-boards and was forced to take not one but three coaching to make it to the matriculation.
Then I went to college, but, oh well, same story just different setting, bullying, name calling, looked upon as a fall guy and Yada Yada yada, I guess you get the Memo already. But, believe me when I say that I managed to get letter mark on English in the final years of Boards. However, life had different plan, fell for a dame, ruined my life and it effected my academics once again and I had to drop out for two years, until I took a readmission at a different college and made it through the graduation years and graduated with distinguished performance. After that, I entered the local music scene of Guwahati, but I didn’t knew with whom I was shaking my shoulders with. Bad choices again, and ended up being a dope head to the point that I was considered rehabilitation for one month. But after coming out of that, life was not the same as I suffered from PTSD and crippling anxiety and became dependent to Anti-depressants. And so, Dad decided to take me to Barpeta to visit the Satras. I got a new direction in life and got me a job, but after two months I was fired with no freaking reason. Depression hit me once again and I returned to Guwahati and to music. But criticism found me, to the point that I tried to hurt myself until I had me a second job. Worked there for six months but got trapped into office politics and was forced to quit.
With no job and no career, I tried to give vocal demo online so that I find job in the music scene, worked
with couple of bands and got kicked out. Reason? Because “I suck”, after that a chain of rumor started to flow along with name calling, criticism and abuses from those who are juniors in the scene.
Tried my hands on other stuffs, but these bullying and name calling still follows, which is why I now know that I have trouble fitting into a group, trust issues and basically work alone. In other words, I am no more the same person, “nice guy, boy scout” character or a hero, I am the freaking villain of my own story.
We are the creator and we are the destroyer of our own life's.