Family, a term that I had hard to understand since my childhood, as my childhood was troublesome and I had a troubled family dispute and still has. In my childhood my family moved from one place to another and we never had a permanent home or a permanent society. But the few people that I met in my life from each places left me an impact upon me. From the old gang of Goalpara to my homies in high school day to the newer friends at Ulubari and the guys over the music community of North East as a whole to my new friends at Mumbai, every one of them meant a lot to me. Because I was searching for the real meaning of family. But now after all these years I realized that the home is where your heart is, after all these years now I am at a place that I can finally call my home and with the people around me that I can call my family.
At times I break down and worry, panic and start to overthink, a thought of death lingers into my
mind, but when I look into the brighter aspects of life and the gifts that I have, I find the reason to live and fight. I have moved on, or more like learnt to move on. However, the dark side shows up.
You know? Yin-Yang says, “The good exists in bad, and bad exists in good” if one can’t be too bright and is becoming too dark, why not change the game? Why not pull off a shades of grey? Yes, that grey shade is how I draw the line between madness and sanity and my main backbone that helps me stay sane is this new found family, that is my parents who have changed a lot within all these years and helped me change, my colleagues, my new friends as well as older friends. The family that I was searching for, I finally found it, and this is my reason now to smile and be sane!
Storm might have washed away the most of the things that I dreamed off once, but now I dream a new dream, as I have a ray of hope, under this new born sun, from this new dawn, its crimson light blesses my name and my soul and now I shall never look back to the past! I found my family and hell, I sort of re-found God (though I still struggle to believe in him) but now I see the brighter side of life and is done with hurting myself.
Belief is the hardest but the strongest affirmation