After a breakup, moving on is not so easy. Even if you try to forget them, do every fucking thing, but they still somehow keep flashing in your eyes, because memories don’t leave easily even if the person leaves. You have to go through a lot during those healing days, you will smile, but from the outside. You do not want to show others how miserable you are from the inside. You will go through mood swings, mixed feelings, anxiety, depressions, feeling low, anger, self-harm thoughts, your whole world would be falling apart and every worst thing in the world will happen to you at that point of time. Even if something good happens you will take it as a negative impact.You know, this heart is very cruel, even if a person hurts you again and again, it still loves that same person. And, after trying so hard to not miss them; it still misses them and cries for them.
But does that person know?
You can even feel them in songs, the movies, the winds, in the streets, the sky, in the unfamiliar faces of people, everywhere. But it is, what it is, and this is life.
I was in a relationship once which changed my perception on love. I had given my full energy into the relationship but in end I was left empty. I cared for that person to much which left me careless with my own self. I was busy fixing and tying the knots but didn’t realize he was opening the knots behind me. I was so in love that I forgot who I was and what I was doing with my life. I forgot my career, my studies, everything. He drained me. I wasn’t myself anymore. I lost that shine from my life, the happiness that I used to feel , it lost and somewhere healing that relationship, the spark between us faded out. I didn’t feel the same way I used to, we fought constantly, I mean, in every phone call, in every text messages, we fought and he was taking over my private space and interfering with my career. I used to give him all that he wanted, but he never respected my needs and didn’t understand me for a single second. I hold onto the relationship but what I expected, I never got that in return. I waited for several months for him to change, for him to understand, but he never did. When I look back at that time, it hurts. I was committed to him, but saying and doing so is very different. The pain is still there. But this was not possible for us at the long term. So, we split up. It was very hard but i had too. My career is more important than relationships.
I healed, I stood up straight and got myself on track, it took time but I healed.
--Rimpi
